I'm proud to be an Aussie...

…yes I am.

Funny breed, Australians.
Who else would say of their own that they’re:

As silly as a wheel,
As full as a goog,
As low as a snake’s belly,
As high as a kite,
As flat out as a lizard drinking,
An old chook.

A sandwich short of a picnic.
As useless as a glass door on a dunny.
A kangaroo loose in the top paddock.
All over the place like a wet dog on lino.
A brick short of a load.

In like Flynn. What a galah. Having a yack.
My mother’s favourite, What a cack.

Ambo, servo, journo, garbo, dero, and words closer to my heart – sickie and bludger and malingerer. I’m in bed with a wog. Crook as a dog. You’re cactus. Yeah, yeah, pull the other one – it’s got bells on.

Stirrer and wowser. Dag and dill and drongo. Tradie and brickie and sparky. And the boss cocky.

Rough as guts, rare as hen’s teeth. Couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag.

The land of the lamington. Four ‘n’ Twenty pies. Chocky crackles and fairy bread. Vegemite, hamburgers with tinned beetroot. And pineapple. Timtams. Aeroplane jelly for me.

Football, meatpies, kangaroos and Holden cars.

Snugglepot and Cuddlepie. Sam Sawnoff, Bunyip Bluegum and Bill Barnacle. And Albert. Possum and Wombat. Blinky Bill.

Hidjus old pollywobble! Treely ruly, lawn the mow, and Cindergorilla.

Mollydooker, plonk and chook. Do yer block, have a bit of a blue. Give us a sticky.

It’s your shout. He’s a two pot screamer.

Meg, Pip, Nell, Bunty, Baby and The General. And Judy. Oh Judy.

Bathers and cossies and boardies and speedos and togs. Clobber and trackie dacks and gummies and thongs.

Billie lids. Gunning it. Nick off. Rack off. Wagging and dobbing.

Azza, Bazza, Cazza, Dazza, Shazza, Wozza and Lozza,

My mate Muddy, short for mudguard, coz he’s not bright enough to be a headlight.

Mozzie, Cactus, and Nugget.

Coota, Fitzy, Izzie, Patto and Crutchy, Hadda and Haddy, Epper and Eepa, Yard, Bid, Bom ‘ed, and Snake.

Squirty, Bunny, Noddy, Hemmy, Rusty, Paddy and Mick. Specka, Bunter, Bommer and Rippa, Shirty, Goody, Freddie, Oogy. Flapper, Stewie, Stevo and Plugger, Nipper, Whitey and Darkie, just to make it even.

Tonks, Herk and Ghandi.

Catch ya later, Cop ya later, seeya. Have a good one, She’ll be right mate, and the old Aerogard ad - Didyaavagoodweegend?

Ripper, ute and bewdy!

What about,I’m just standing here making a nuisance of myself, or Don’t know if I’m Arthur or Martha.

Canoodle, mate, cobber, yakka, larrikin, Aussie Battler, digger, Woop Woop and Back o' Bourke.

Buckrabanyule, Wooroonock, Yeungroon, Woosang, Teddywaddy, Doobooetic, Banyenong, Narrewillock, Wychitella, and Wycheproof.

Singlet and face washer and doona instead of vest and flannel and duvet.

Barby and snag and flake and barra and blowies and mozzies and midgies. The great Australian salute. Dimmies and soy sauce. Vegie sannies from the tuckie and a purple ‘Violent Rumble’.

Bindiis and four corner jacks.

The toot, the loo, the dunny. The bog. Only in Australia, the bog.

Arvo and agro.

Big horizons, big skies. The Southern Cross. Alpha and Beta Centauri.

Australia Felix, the Lucky Country.

Koalas with Chlamydia, Tassie Devils with facial tumour disease, the native beach population with melanoma…and I don’t mean the trees. Lesser Bilbies and Tasmanian tigers and the Eastern bettong. The Western Barred bandicoot and Gould’s mouse. All gone.

Why? Foxes, rabbits and cats.

Not happy, Jan!

Drought and flood and cyclones and drought and hailstones as big as golf balls. Earthquakes and drought and avalanches and drought and fire.

Locusts and mice and earth mite and snakes and red backs on dunny seats.

Shot grain, withered grain, downgraded grain, sprung grain, mouldy grain, pinched grain, rusty grain, frosty grain, shrivelled grain, washed out, drowned out and flattened. Oh, and lack of rain.

Pulpy kidney, footrot, flystrike, foot and mouth, scabby mouth, lice, itch mites, pink eye.

No worries, she's apples, she'll be right, mate.

Wouldn’t be a farmer for quids.

What’s next year gunna be like? You’ve got two chances – Buckley’s and Nunn.

Buckley’s, mate, Buckley’s.

So why are we all still here?

Lots of reasons.

The kangaroo, the platypus, the echidna and koala.

The mateship, that spirit of Australians that makes Australia great.

It’s the loyalty, honour, trust, integrity, compassion, warmth and the friendship.

It’s the ideal of a fair day’s pay for a fair day’s work. It’s the sense of fair play.

I’m here in Australia because it’s a great place to be.

I’m proud to be an Aussie, yes I am.

Happy Australia Day.