Generally I am not a big reader of women's magazines. I read lots and lots of things, the cereal packet included, but Australia's number-one monthly magazine, The Australian Women’s Weekly, and our number-one weekly magazine, Woman’s Day, are rarely among them.
Recently though, in my fragile emotional state, I've been unable to read my usual deep and meaningful fare. I have been unable to concentrate on my literary diet of living books, food labels, and fine classic literature, and have found myself digesting frivolous fluff much more often than I would like.
A couple of weeks ago I purchased the August edition of The Australian Women's Weekly. It was all the talk about Julia having been airbrushed that sucked me in. Well, that and the article about Azaria, to tell you the truth.
Now The Weekly is no my usual reading material, but it is not too bad as far as women's mags go. It's not like Cosmo or Cleo or Dolly - full of sex - or like NW or New Idea or Who - full of scandalous gossip - no, by their standards The Weekly is pretty tame. My mum always chooses it to read if she travels anywhere by train, and I noticed a copy of the current edition on my Auntie's table when I was visiting recently. Their readership is a staggering 2.2 million, meaning that about 13% of the Australian population reads it. It's pretty safe really...or so I thought.
Anyhow, so this is what I learned within the covers of that esteemed scientific journal, The Australian Women's Weekly:
- Plants and seeds sown during the best lunar phase and in the appropriate zodiac sign show increased vigour. So now I know. I don't prune my roses in August because they are dormant then - I must prune them between the 4th and the 9th between the last quarter of the old moon and the new moon on the 10th. Oh well. Missed that window of opportunity. Wonder what will happen to them now? S'pose they'll die. I should have planted my vegies earlier too - after 8.44 am on the 13th up until the 16th or between the 20th to 22nd before 11.38 am. See. I've had it wrong all this time. I am clearly quite deluded over my gardening abilities.
- According to my zodiac, apparently the last 12 months have been pretty bad for me. August should be better. Given circumstances over the first three weeks of August I fail to understand why things should be so good now, but apparently that's my fault. My brother and mother share my zodiac sign (along with 12th of the population - who'd a thunk?) so obviously it is their fault as well.
- Fortunately, I can discover more about what my stars are predicting by obtaining the personalised reading for my star sign. These have been prepared especially for readers of The Weekly - which makes us different from non-readers, I guess. It will cost me $1. 27 per minute, but that includes GST, so that's a pretty good deal.
- Angelina and Brad's kids, Shi and Pax get their karma from their mum. They are wild.
- Angelina is an Earth Goddess.
- Mum Blogs are a lifeline for 50-something women whose husband have run off, 30-somethings at home with sick kids or 40-something single mothers. That's why we blog. Apparently.
- Everybody should be doing yoga once a week. Apparently it feels good and will get me back on track. (That's why my zodiac wasn't working - no yoga.) Since the goal of yoga is to unite one's transitory self with the infinite Brahman, the pantheistic Hindu god, clearly it is the path to spiritual growth and enlightenment. Sigh, I have been so misled my whole entire life.
- A gorgeous new workout outfit will inspire you more than nothing else. Wanting the cutest outfit is not superficial, and is a walking must-have. A new pair of Adidas sneakers is $240.00, or you can indulge in the MBT Baridi Silver shoes for a mere $379.00. Go on - you're worth it, and the right gear will make all the difference to how you feel about yourself.
- Meditation eases stress, reduces pain, increases focus and helps you sleep. That's my problem. If I'd been meditating I wouldn't have had trouble focusing on the cereal packet and I wouldn't have ever bought The Weekly. Apparently meditation's main purpose is to allow me to make friends with myself. This will make me happy. It will enhance my mental and physical health and will show me the true nature of reality. Yep, it does all that.
- Astrology can make your hair more lustrous. Simply trimming my hair when the waxing moon is in a fertile zodiac sign will improve its condition. Honestly. If I'd read The Weekly sooner I too could have hair like Angelina. I would be an Earth Goddess with wild karma too. Bet she cut her hair between the 13th and 15th after 8.44 am.
So this is what Australian women believe. This is the Australian Woman's Worldview.
And they make fun of me for believing in a Creator God. Yep. So unbelievable, that.
I don't get questioned much about our reasons for homeschooling. My husband does though - especially during his week skiing with Jemimah, where it seems that this is the main topic of discussion - that and my Supermum status. Anyhow, when the questioner is a Christian parent, it seems that the conversation mostly gets onto dinosaurs. something like "Oh, I see, too much emphasis on dinosaurs in the curriculum for your liking, eh?" What I take this to mean is that those parents think I am concerned about evolution being taught at public school. Well, yes I am, but I think that most Christian parents reassure themselves that they teach their kids creation at home and so they have that furphy covered very well thank you very much. I can homeschool, but they'll just correct the creation/evolution standpoint on Sundays.
But see, I don't think that the Evolution Debate is the problem with Public School. I believe that the problem with Public School is that it teaches an Australian Worldview.
And as you may have seen by my reading of The Australian Women's Weekly, the average Australian's Worldview is very, very different from my own.
School will teach your children to be Australian. It will teach them to be materialistic, to live by the standards of man, to make decisions based on their own wants and desires. They will do 'what is right in their own eyes'. (See Judges 21:25.) It is the Australian way.
I want my daughter to be taught the Worldview that has Genesis and biblical creation as its foundation. I want her to learn to live to glorify God and enjoy him forever. I want her to have Christian ethics, values and behaviour. I want her to learn the biblical idea of tolerance instead of the all inclusive Australian 'tolerance'. I want to teach her the Kingship of Christ. I want the Bible to be her guidebook for all of her decisions, all of her values, all of her behaviour, and all of her life choices. I want her to know why we don't do yoga or meditate or run our lives according to the stars. I want her to understand why we do not live by the standards of The Australian Women's Weekly.